


You Will Be Found

by AllegroCrescendo



Series: Fast Times at Angeles High [9]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Based on a Dear Evan Hansen Song, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, I don't know what else to tag, I think this might cover it, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Oops, Panic Attacks, lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 11:45:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14736363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllegroCrescendo/pseuds/AllegroCrescendo
Summary: Yuuri has a hard time and it's up to his boyfriend and friends to help him through it.__________Footsteps approached him and Yuuri could see old Vans shoes come into his view. “Yuuri?” Leo’s voice said, “I’m going to drape Viktor raincoat over you, okay? You’re soaking wet.” Leo waited, and Yuuri nodded again. The heavy feeling of the coat appeared on his shoulders, and he made a face.“Yuuri, you’re having a panic attack,” Viktor said. “It’s going to end, I promise. You just need to breathe with me, alright?” Viktor gave his hand three comforting squeezes. Yuuri counted them each in his head before counting sets of threes. He needed to get his mind back in focus.





	You Will Be Found

**Author's Note:**

> Hellohellohello,
> 
> Allegro here!!
> 
> Two updates in a day?! Wow! 
> 
> (This chapter just needed some polishing, honestly, it was sitting in my google drive for a while).
> 
> Yes, this chapter was inspired by ['You Will Be found' from Dear Evan Hansen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSfH2AuhXfw). It's a great song. Give it a listen.
> 
> This chapter does jump around in the timeline but not too much where you can't understand anything. Please keep an eye out for references to possible future installments. Please also keep an eye out for grammatical errors!
> 
> I have an 8 am class tomorrow and it's almost midnight hahaha fuck :D
> 
>  
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNING**
> 
>  
> 
> This fic depicts a mental breakdown. They are not pretty at all. I have a couple myself and it is a very difficult thing to deal with. If you or a loved one are having difficulty coping with mental health, please reach out to a [mental health hotline](https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/mental-health-hotline/) for help. People are there for you. I promise.

Yuuri and Emil both walked together to the quad when the lunch bell rang. Yuuri was a TA for Emil’s honors chemistry class and usually, the two of them walked together. It was late March in Southern California, and an unusual spring storm was blowing its way through. Yuuri was grateful that Emil carried a ridiculously large umbrella, as the two of them huddled beneath it and scurried to their table underneath one of the large standalone canopies. Getting to their table, Yuuri sat down on the table bench where he and Viktor usually sat, despite the fact that he knew that Viktor was busy all day at his father’s studio. Emil took the seat across from Guang-Hong and Leo, who huddled together for warmth. 

“What’s up guys?” Guang-Hong asked as they arrived. 

“Not much,” Emil responded. “Chem is kicking my ass, as always.”

“It cannot be kicking your ass as much as Yearbook is kicking mine right now,” Phichit grumbled as he arrived at their table. The poor Thai teen had noticeable eye bags beneath his eyes and downed the rest of his coffee. Yuuri laughed, knowing that a huge deadline was coming up for the Yearbook class and, with half of the class dropping, most of the heavier work was going towards the more experienced members. Phichit, being head of photography in class, was slammed with a lot of the work.

“You got another late night?” Leo asked with an arm folded on the table as he played with the sorry excuse of ravioli the school cafeteria gave them. Next to him, Guang-Hong sipped on a sparkling juice from the student store. Their interlocked hands rested in Guang-Hong’s lap underneath the table.

“Yes,” Phichit groaned. “Mr. Morooka is gonna murder me with all these spreads. I have crappy photos I need to work some serious magic on. Half of the freshmen can’t take pictures for crap.”

“Not every freshman can come out of the womb with a camera like you, Phichit,” Yuuri teased. 

Phichit snorted and grumbled, “Would make my job a hell of a lot easier if they did.”

“Hey, hey, enough doom and gloom, yeah? How about we order pizza? On me.” Emil offered, waving his hands. “I have to babysit my stepsister tonight so I’ll probably eat all that organic stuff Alex makes her eat. I want _some_ junk food today.” 

“Nothing sounds better than free pizza,” Phichit drooled and slung an arm around Emil. “This is why you’re my favorite friend.”

“I’ll remember that the next time you ask me to text Viktor to give you a ride home from a late night,” Yuuri commented as he took a calm sip from his water bottle. He, of course, was just teasing Phichit. He and Yuuri had been close friends ever since they were young when Phichit’s family moved to Japan in search of economic opportunities. Phichit had been the only child Yuuri had accustomed to immediately. When Phichit’s family left for California when he and Yuuri were only 7, it left the duo communicating through e-mail and MySpace until cellphones became more popular. When Yuuri’s family business failed and they moved to live with the Chulanont’s in California, the duo were absolutely ecstatic.

“Yeah, yeah, you know I will always love you the most,” Phicht huffed and stuck his tongue out at Yuuri. Emil gasped and pretended to look scandalized.

“Since this _liar_ ,” Emil jerked his head towards Phichit, “Wants to be a _liar_ , do you three want to come over for a movie night?”

Guang-Hong shook his head, “I have to work before Leo and my date because one of my parents’ workers called out sick.”

“And I have some make-up work I should really catch up on now that soccer season is over,” Leo explained. “Maybe another time? Unless you want to watch the Notebook again, then I’ll pass.”

Yuuri smiled warily. “I would love to Emil, but I’m gonna be home all day doing homework.” 

“Right, right, I forget Mr. Valedictorian can’t spend a second away from the books,” Emil joked and playfully nudged Yuuri from across the table. He then took out his phone and began typing away.

“Actually, Yuuri went on a really hot date,” Phichit said, wiggling his brows towards his blushing friends. “He and Viktor made out on the top of his Lexus hood at the top of the movie theater parking structure on saturday.” 

Collective gasps came from round the table as Yuuri slapped Phichit upside the head. “Stop lying! We did not make out!”

“Ah, but you admit you were at the top of the movie theater parking structure,” Leo mused. “You know them youngsters go there for...less holy activities.”

Yuuri groaned and facepalmed. “Yes, I know what people do at the top of the movie theater parking structure. But Viktor and I...we just sat on the hood and drank of Slurpees and then we kinda just…” Yuuri stopped and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. His blush returned full force.

“You just what?” Leo pried. 

“Three months of dating Viktor and you’re already feeling him up on top of his car? Didn’t know you had it in ya, Yuuri,” Phichit shook his head and crossed his arms on his chest. “Ah, how easily the whitest of lotuses stain the darkest of reds.”

“Phichit, I swear to all the gods in the sky if you don’t _shut your mouth_ I will shove my foot so far down your throat, my shoe will have to be removed from your butthole,” Yuuri threatened. 

“Ha-ha sorry yeah, that was my friend! He’s a real charmer,” Emil chirped. The entire table looked at their goateed friend. He noticed the sudden attention to him and pointed at his cell phone, pressed against his ear, and mouthed the word “ _pizza_.”

“As I was saying before Phichit so rudely interrupted,” Yuuri rolled his eyes. “We just...we cuddled on the hood of his car and tried to find the brightest star we could in the sky. But because of the full moon and all the light pollution, we couldn’t. And Viktor tried telling me about this one star he could always see, no matter what time of day. And when I asked if it was the Sun...he said…” Yuuri looked away, blushing, “He said it was me.”

“Yuuri!” Guang-Hong squealed. “That is so adorable!” 

“Yeah, I know,” Yuuri smiled fondly at his phone lock screen, which was a picture of Viktor in his band uniform, a content smile on his face. The picture had been taken a little under a month before they started dating and it was one of Yuuri’s favorite pictures of Viktor. 

“Maybe you and Viktor can join me and Leo on a date sometime?” Guang-Hong asked.

“Just not tonight’s date,” Leo stuck his tongue out at Yuuri and leaned his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I’m selfish with Guang.”

“Can we stop talking dating so you won’t remind me of how non-existent by dating life is and how painfully single I am?” Phichit wailed.

“To be fair, there was that one Filipino you were dating that one time last year,” Yuuri pointed out to Phichit. 

Phichit gagged and made a face. “Kissing Christian one time beneath the football stadium bleachers does _not_ count as dating, no matter how great his abs are” Phichit countered.

“Okay what about my water polo teammate who we caught you making out in the team room?” Leo asked. 

“He had a nice ass but he’s not the type of guy I’d date,” Phichit huffed and crossed his arms. It had been an awkward day for their friend group when Leo sent a picture to the groupchat of an embarrassed Phichit being yelled at by his coach alongside with Leo’s teammate. It was a picture that constantly came up in their group chat to shut Phichit up. 

“Enough slut-shaming Phichit, guys! Let him live. And the pizza’s on the way!” Emil chirped. Somehow, he always had a sunny energy around him. He was always the light of the group. Yuuri smiled around the table. He was glad to have such a tight-knit group of friends he could always rely on.

His phone vibrated, alerting him of a notification. Turning on the screen, his breath caught in his throat when he saw the notification on the screen.

__________  
_Have you ever felt like nobody was there?_  
_Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?_  
_Have you ever felt like you could disappear?_  
_Like you could fall, and no one would hear_  
__________  


Yuuri sat cross-legged on his bed with his notes spread all around him. He was busy-throwing himself at his Calculus homework as to be able to focus on something and not freak himself out. As he scribbled away, answering the questions and writing proofs, he noticed that his hand-writing became progressively shakier. He ran a stressed hand through his hair and set his homework aside, looking warily at towards his laptop. The screen was dark, having not been used for a while. Yuuri could see his own reflection in it. He noticed the bags under his eyes and the worry in them. HIs hair was messy from all the times he had ran his stressed hand through it. He had abandoned his glasses long ago, having to rub his face in exasperation and worry. Needless to say, Yuuri looked like a wreck.

He checked his phone and frowned. No messages from Viktor. Of course not. Viktor was busy with his father all day. There had been a need at the studio for a pianist, since the record’s pianist that his father was working on was had called out sick. However, being set on a strict deadline, his father called in Viktor, since Dmitry himself could not both play piano and record himself with his equipment efficiently. He had only gotten a good morning text from Viktor and single text that included a bunch of heart emojis, telling Yuuri how bored he was when he wasn’t in the booth.

Yuuri eyed the clock. He kept staring and the second hand, watching it run around the clock. Two minutes. Two minutes until he knew. Taking a calming breath, he turned his attention back to the screen and pulled his computer into his lap. Waking the screen up, he logged into the account he and Mari shared. Yuuri’s family was financially struggling, so Mari and Yuuri saved up enough money together to be able to buy themselves a good laptop. The only struggle was trying to figure out who got the computer at what time. Eventually, they came to the agreement that Yuuri got the laptop until Mari came home at night from school. Past that, the computer was hers until Yuuri absolutely needed it. In most cases, Yuuri could do most of his work on his phone. 

Yuuri looked at the time. A minute left. With shaking hands, he typed into the search browser: “UCLA Admissions portal”. Once the page loaded, he clicked on the first link and stared at the clock once more. His house was filled with an eerie silence. He had rode his skateboard home straight after school. It was a Friday night. Nights that, if not spent with Viktor, were spent with his friends. However, this night, his friends were all busy. He declined Emil’s offer to hangout at his place as he babysat his sister, since that would only make Yuuri feel as if he were intruding on their family time. Yuuri understood that family was of utmost importance, and would never want to infringe upon that. Leo and Guang-Hong were both supposed to be on a date at the local Boomer’s park. When they found out that Yuuri was going to spend his Friday alone, they had invited him along. Yuuri declined that offer as well, because he knew deep down that they didn’t really want him there. There was something about wanting to be alone with your significant other that Yuuri understood. Phichit, of course, was stuck in Yearbook hell. Late nights always took a toll on the poor Thai boy. As head of photography, he was constantly running around and making sure that everything was in place, all the pictures were rendered well enough and that the pictures were appropriate and good enough to put into the yearbook. He had all these responsibilities on top of having to make his own spreads in the yearbook. And no matter how much Mr. Morooka liked Yuuri and avidly invited him to late nights, Yuuri knew that he would only be in Phichit’s way. 

And there was no way he would be able to be with Viktor right now. Despite already meeting Viktor’s father on several occasions, even being taken to some of Dmitry’s record label events, he knew that the man was very hard on Viktor when it came to his musicianship, and highly work-oriented. When the band Dmitry worked with on all of their albums rented out an amusement park to celebrate the success of their album, Dmitry had spent almost the entire day scouting out potential sponsors and other celebrities to work with him. He had only met Yuuri and Viktor for lunch and dinner.

The clock finally hit 4:30 and Yuuri’s breath caught in his throat. He stared at the login before typing in his information with shaky hands. He watched as the page loaded. Instead of always being brought the screen telling him to check back later for his admission status, he was greeted by a new screen. The University of California’s logo was emblazoned next to UCLA’s logo. Yuuri’s information was displayed as the head of the letter, along with his name. His hands shook as he kept reading.

**_Dear Yuuri,_ **

**_After careful review of your application for admission, we regret to inform you that we are not able to offer you admission for the fall quarter. UCLA continues to receive more and more applications for admission that we can accommodate in our freshman class. For this fall quarter, we received more than 102,000 applications for a freshman class of just over 5,700. And the quality of our application gets stronger every year._ **

**_Each application is unique, and each student presents wonderful attributes and potential. Our work is a extraordinarily difficult: every application is read at least twice with consideration given to accomplishments both in and outside the classroom. We also consider the opportunities and challenges students face while achieving so much in their schools and communities. Ultimately, there is no single attribute or achievement guarantees admission—there are simply too many well-qualified, accomplished and capable applicants for the number of freshman spaces available at UCLA._ **

Yuuri stopped reading the screen. His chest tightened painfully. He tried to go back and make sense of the words; “not able to offer you admission for the fall quarter”. They couldn’t offer him admission. They didn’t offer him admission. He didn’t get into UCLA. He didn’t get into one of his safety schools. He would not be living in Westwood for the next four years because he wasn’t _wanted_ there. He was good, but not good enough. Yes, he was smart, but not smart enough. He wasn’t talented enough. He had his personality traits but they were not enough for UCLA. They wanted more and it was something Yuuri couldn’t deliver.

Tears welled up in his eyes and a small, pathetic, whimper made its way up his throat and past his lips. His chest tightened painfully as he reread the damn sentence on his laptop screen, tears now pouring down his cheeks. Yuuri’s ran his hand through his hair, tugging on it painfully as his hands clenched his locks. Every nerve in his body seemed to be going haywire as the trembling in his legs began and his throat tightened, preventing anymore sobs from coming forth. Air moved in and out of his nose but he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. He _couldn’t breathe_. 

That application had cost money. He wasted money on an application. Money his parents could have used to buy groceries or put gas in the car. The application that denied him, and Yuuri would have to look his mother and father in the eyes and tell them that he didn’t get into a university his parents paid $80 so he could just apply. His mother would hug him, tell him it would be okay, and offer to make him some Katsudon. And maybe his mom was right. Maybe it was okay. But no. No it wasn’t okay because $80 was six hours of work his father put in. Six hours of the oil burns on his arms. Because his parents worked too long and too hard for Yuuri to be rejected because damn it, he was supposed to go to college so his parents didn’t have to work so hard!

The floodgates finally opened as Yuuri wailed. He was angry. He was sad. He was disappointed. He was feeling too many things at once and it hurt him so much. He needed solace. He needed someone. But he had no one to call. He had so many people he could talk to but at the same time, no one to reach out to because there was no one he wanted to infringe upon. He couldn’t pull his parents away from work to comfort him when they already wasted $80 on a rejection. He couldn’t make them lose anymore money. And he couldn’t reach out to his friends. Leo and Guang-Hong needed their alone time on their dates. Emil couldn’t take care of a sobbing Yuuri _and_ his little sister. Phichit didn’t need any more stress added onto his Yearbook deadlines. And he didn’t want to bug Viktor. He was afraid of what Dmitry would think. He was afraid of how Dmitry would look at him if he took Viktor away from the studio, where he was needed the most, to comfort him because he couldn’t get into a stupid college.

The walls of the room suddenly felt too close to Yuuri. Everything felt wrong. Everything felt like it was caving in quickly on him. Yuuri leapt to his feet, knocking all his school supplies off the bed. He stared at the laptop, tears streaming down his eyes as sobs finally bubbled up his throat. The words seared painfully into his mind and taunted him. Reminding him of his failure. He wanted to feel numb. He wanted to run away. He wanted to get away. Everything was hurting. He was hurting. Because it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t enough. He was smart but he wasn’t smart enough for UCLA and he couldn’t be smart enough for any other school he applied to. He wouldn’t be smart enough for Pitzer or Berkeley or NYU or Santa Barbara or Columbia because how could he be good enough for any of those schools when he couldn’t get into UCLA because now it was only a slippery slope down into the hole he had dug himself into. 

Looking around at his room, he stumbled backwards and bumped into Mari’s desk chair, knocking it over. Sobbing, he looked around. He needed comfort. He needed someone. He needed anybody. But there was no one around for him. No one to help him through because everyone was too busy for him because yes his family and friends loved him but did they love him enough to abandon their plans to give Yuuri a pep talk? No. That would be such a selfish thing of Yuuri to ask. He couldn’t intrude more upon their lives than he already did.

And so, he ran.

No shoes. No jacket. No umbrella to shield him from the rain. He just ran. He couldn’t have Viktor but he could have their memories. He could escape to the one place that had made itself a home in his heart and mind as warm moments with Viktor. He needed to be alone there. He only had half a mind to slam shut his front door as he tore down his apartment stairs, out the front gate, and towards where he would be safe. The heavy rain soaked his long-sleeved shirt in only a matter of minutes, and the damp sidewalk underneath his bare feet sent shockwaves of cold throughout his body. All around him, everything felt sluggish. He couldn’t think about anything but running as fast as he could.

__________

Mari sighed as dragged herself up the stairs of her apartment. Her work cap was in her hands and her backpack felt like a thousand bricks on her back. Her day had been long. An early morning shift, only an hour to nap in her community college parking lot before she had to go to class. A pop quiz, essay review and a lecture later, Mari was ready to go home. After bidding goodbye to her friends, she drove back to her apartment, making a face at how heavy the rain was falling. She sincerely hoped Yuuri had taken her advice of taking a thicker sweater to school than the one he had on that morning. The rain didn’t seem to be letting up and she wouldn’t want him to get sick.

Digging through his bag for her house keys, she unlocked the door and pushed the door open, frowning when it wouldn’t budge open. Mari took a step back and shoved the door with her shoulder. It wouldn’t budge again. 

“The hell?” Mari grumbled as she turned the keys again, this time hearing it click unlocked. Her eyebrows raised in surprise. Yuuri and their parents were usually good about making sure the door was locked. Especially since there neighborhood at times had some crime trouble.

Opening the door, Mari walked in and shed her shoes. The entire apartment was dark, save for Yuuri’s bright desk lamp in their room. Leave it to him to be studying away. Shaking her head, she set her stuff down on the kitchen table and walked over to their room. “Hey loverboy, you left the door unlocked,” Mari announced.

An uneasy feeling settled in Mari’s stomach as she took into account the state of their room. Yuuri’s homework, notes and textbooks had been spread haphazardly on his bed and the floor surrounding it. Yuuri’s shoes had been thrown carelessly and Mari’s desk chair was on the ground. Feeling anxiety rise through her, Mari noticed that Yuuri’s phone was also left on his bed. Yuuri would never go anywhere without his phone, especially after beginning to date Viktor. 

“Relax,” Mari told herself, “Phichit has whisked him away like this before.” With shaking hands, she pulled out her phone from her coat pocket and dialed Phichit. The Chulanonts were very close with the Katsukis. Phichit was like another brother to Mari and whimsical ways often overwhelmed both Mari and Yuuri.

Phichit picked up on the second ring. “ _Hey, Mari, I can’t talk right now I’m at a Yearbook late night and_ -”

“It’s Yuuri,” Mari said, surprised at how her voice was shaking. “Is he with you?”

“ _No...I’ve been stuck in the Yearbook lab all after school and I’m still here. I’m pretty sure he...I think he skated home right after school,_ ” Phichit said. 

“Call Leo, Guang-Hong and Emil please,” Mari touched her shaking fingers to her forehead and closed her eyes. “I’ll call Viktor.”

“ _Have you tried calling Yuuri himself? I can text our groupchat_ ,” Phichit offered.

“He left his phone in our room,” Mari said. 

“ _Of course he did_ ,” Phichit sighed, “ _Investigate his phone. His code is 1225. I’ll get back to you with Leo, Guang-Hong and Emil’s answers. Leo and Guang-Hong are on a date but...maybe they have some hints._ ”

“Alright, call me back,” Mari said before hanging up on Phichit. She picked up Yuuri’s phone and put in the code Phichit told him. She checked his messages, the groupchat Phichit have mentioned only having been Emil sending a couple of wholesome memes and Leo responding with skull emojis. She checked other messages. Viktor hadn’t messaged Yuuri since the early afternoon and beside that, the rest of messages had been days old between his friends and classmates. She checked all his social media, before checking his notifications. Her eye caught the sight of a calendar reminder.

_****_ ****

**_Calander App- 4:30pm check UCLA app status!_ **

Mari tossed his phone aside and pulled their shared laptop towards her. Waking up the computer, it took her three tries to correctly guess Yuuri’s password. The screen was already opened to a letter from UCLA, and Mari quickly scanned through it.

“Fuck,” Mari breathed. She took Yuuri’s phone and called Viktor from it.

__________

Viktor had had a bit of a day. The band his father had been working with had been missing their pianist. He had been out sick. None of the other band members had experience with piano playing and Dmitry himself couldn’t record the piano playing since he couldn’t trust mostly anyone with the soundboard in studio room LM. Dmitry had came home the night before, surprising Viktor, and asked him to come into the studio tomorrow to play piano for the band. When Viktor showed up with his father, the band had been surprised and asked for more time for their pianist to recover. Dmitry threatened to charge them more for studio time since the recording would have been delayed. Eventually ceasing to Dmitry’s demands, the Viktor had been shoved into the booth almost immediately.

Sitting on the piano bench, his hands had begun to shake when his father handed him the sheet music and when the recording light went on. He had played piano more times than he could count in front of people. He had proficiency in 7 different instrument and could write entire pieces of music so why now was he nervous? His father had to stop every so often to direct Viktor’s piano playing, telling him to pencil in crescendos or change the rhythm of certain parts. Everytime his father did stop, Viktor felt nervousness pulse through his body, making his hands freeze up in terror. He listened diligently to his father’s instructions. He wouldn’t want to do much to delay the recording. When Dmitry noticed Viktor’s plight, he sent him out of the booth and ushered in the guitarist who had been also doubling on violin. 

Viktor plopped down on the couch facing the recorder booth. His father’s back was to him, moving sliders around on the mixer and flipping some switches while his newest intern moved into the booth to change microphones for the violinist. Viktor pressed back against the leather couch and stared against his shaking hands. He thought back to weeks ago, when Yuuri had gotten sick while his family was out of town, and Viktor took care of him. Viktor had him lay down on the couch of his house’s music room and Yuuri had asked him to play piano for him. The entire time Vikor played, he never felt pressure. The only thing he could think of was making Yuuri smile, making him happy and satisfied with the specific artist he had requested. When he saw Yuuri peacefully dozing off, his heart leapt with joy. He had finally lulled Yuuri to the sleep he needed.

His phone suddenly started to ring. Fumbling with it out of his pocket, he winced under his father’s harsh glare and raced out of the room, trying to silence his phone all the while. He was about to ignore the call until he saw Yuuri’s contact image on the screen. His mind immediately began to race. Yuuri knew that Viktor was working with his dad today, so he wouldn’t call. He wouldn’t call unless it was something serious. 

Feeling his hand shake, he answered the call, breathless: “Hello?”

“ _Viktor?_ ” It was Mari’s voice on the other end and it that was somehow scarier. The older Katsuki was usually mellow, but her voice sounded completely on edge now.

“Mari? What’s going on?” Viktor asked.

“Is Yuuri with you?” She asked, voice shaking now.

Viktor’s heart seized instantly. He fought to keep his thoughts straight and answer Mari’s questions. “No, Mari. Is he not at home? He wouldn’t go anywhere without his phone.”

“ _We can’t find him. I went through his things when I got home and our room looked like hell and I,_ ” the older Katsuki paused, noticing how her words got frantic most likely, “ _and I saw that he got rejected from UCLA. I think he ran away in his disappointment._ ” Mari finished.

Viktor pressed a heart to his chest, eyes widening in panic. “Oh god,” He whimpered. He quickly realized that he couldn’t panic. Not if he wanted to find Yuuri and keep Mari calm. He would have to be strong for both of the Katsukis who had done so much for him. “I’m going to go look for him. Can you contact as many as his friends as possible?” Viktor asked.

“ _I already did. Phichit is calling. I can call Leo,_ ” Mari said. After a brief silence, Mari’s voice came after a shuddering breath, sounding vulnerable, “ _Please help me find my baby brother._ ”

“I will. I’m going to leave right now. I’ll keep you updated,” Viktor said before hesitantly ending the call. He stepped back into the recording studio, where his father was giving the violinist instructions on where to pencil in change of rhythm. 

“Dmitry,” Viktor said, using his father’s first name. The band members in the room all looked towards Viktor in surprise, and he watched the way his father reacted, and turned to look at Viktor, expression upset and annoyed.

“Yes, Viktor?” his father turned to look at him. Viktor steeled his nerves and clenched his fist, looking his father in the eyes. In the back of his mind, he could hear his Aunt Ana cooing about how she was happy Viktor didn’t get his father’s harsh eye color. She always said it showed his humanity. 

“I’m leaving,” Viktor said, face still hard. “Yuuri’s gone missing. No one can reach him. I need to go.”

His father stared at him, an unreadable expression on his face. His entire body stilled and Viktor vaguely thought about how artists would love to paint his father right now. After an intense stare off, Dmitry stood from his recording chair and reached into his pocket, producing his car keys. “I’ll take a cab home.”

Viktor stared at the Cadillac keys in shock, before shifting his eyes to look at his father's, who stared back with a patient, yet expectant look. “Go.”

“Thank you,” Viktor said as he strode forward and took the car keys from his father. When he was close enough so only his father could hear him, he spoke again, “Thank you, papa.” 

“Go,” His father repeated, softer this time, and turned away from him, back to the soundboard. 

With a nod, Viktor turned and took off running.

__________

“I’ll be off in a sec,” Guang-Hong swung by Leo’s table, planting a soft kiss on his cheek and looking around afterwards.

“Take your time, babycakes,” Leo laughed, taking a sip of his boba. “Your mom is feeding me good. She gave me these potstickers.”

Guang-Hong shook his head and smiled. “She’s trying to make you fat.”

“Sounds like my _abuela_ ” Leo snorted and popped another potsticker into his mouth. “Go work or else your dad is gonna kill us.” 

“Are you seriously afraid of my dad?” Guang-Hong snorted, picking up some dishes from a nearby table and putting the left over tip into his apron. 

“No. Well. Kinda. He just is intimidating,” Leo shrugged. “But he’s never done anything to me and is relatively nice to me, so,” Leo said, stirring his straw in his drink.

Before Guang-Hong could reply, his phone starting to ring in his apron pocket. Looking at Leo, he retrieved it from his pocket and furrowed his brows. “It’s Phichit.”

“He’s at a late night,” Leo said. “He probably butt-dialed you.” 

“You’re right,” Guang-Hong agreed, hitting the end button on the call. “I’m going to drop these off in the dish room and I’ll be right back,” Guang-Hong said, picking up the dirty dishes and walking towards the back. 

Leo sat back and took in his surroundings. Guang-Hong’s parent’s restaurant always had dim red lighting, and there was a floor to ceiling window covering the length of a wall, where diners could look out the restaurant towards the city. Around the actual restaurant, it was decorated with many Chinese ornaments, with a beautiful red and gold color scheme. The overall ambience was serene. Leo wasn’t Chinese himself, but he could definitely appreciate the culture. 

“Leo,” Guang-Hong appeared at the entrance of the back and motioned for him. Worry was written all over his face, and his phone was clenched in his hand. Leo bolted up, grabbing his potstickers and boba, and went to the back with Guang-Hong. 

“Yuuri’s gone missing,” Guang-Hong told him as soon as he approached him. His lower lip trembled, “Phichit just got off the phone with me. He’s worried because he’s not at home and not with us and not with Emil. He left his phone at home too.”

“Crap,” Leo breathed. “We need to go find him.”

“Toshiya needs to come with us,” Guang-Hong said, motioning to the kitchen. Leo nodded and the two made their way to the kitchen, in search for the older Japanese man. Toshiya was one of Guang-Hong dad’s most trusted employee. It wasn’t uncommon for Toshiya to call Guang-Hong son and the same went for Guang-Hong’s dad and Yuuri. 

“ _Baba_ ,” Guang-Hong walked up to his father. His father glanced up at him, as he was chopping up some meat and vegetables to send out for an order, “Yuuri is missing.”

 

This garnered Toshiya’s attention, who stood over a wok, frying food. “What?”

“Guang-Hong got a call from Phichit,” Leo explained to him, “He said that Yuuri wasn’t home or with any of our friends and didn’t have his phone.” 

“ _Baba,_ ” Guang-Hong repeated. “Toshiya needs to come with us to look for him, please.” 

Boyang shook his head. “No. Guang-Hong I am understaffed right now in the kitchen. You and Leo can go alone.”

“ _Baba_ , please!” Guang-Hong begged. Boyang shook his head, a stern expression on his face. Leo could see the worry in Toshiya’s eyes, completely odd for the usually airy, happy old man. His heart ached.

“What if I stay in his place?” Leo offered. “The restaurant closes in half an hour, right? I’ll help with the last few orders, so Toshiya can go look for Yuuri.”

“Have you ever worked in a kitchen?” Boyang asked Leo, raising one, thick eyebrow.

“Not in a Chinese kitchen, but I help my mom all the time,” Leo moved to stand next to Boyang and pointed at the meat and vegetables he was cutting up. “I can do that for you.”

Boyang pondered this for a moment. He looked up at his son, and then at Toshiya. Toshiya was silent, but Leo knew he was desperate to go out looking for Yuuri. He was too, but Yuuri would need his father more than he would need Leo there. Leo then look at Guang-Hong, who seemed to be sending a strong look towards his father. His eyes were glossy with unshed, watery tears.

Boyang swallowed thickly and put his knife down. “Toshiya, give your apron to Leo,” He commanded, and the old man looked up at his boss in shock, before quickly undoing it and walking around the table to hand it to Leo. He stood in front of Leo and bowed his head deeply to him.

“Thank you,” He said to Leo once he raised his head, his voice deep and serious. Leo took his apron and nodded.

Leo tied the apron on and Guang-Hong came up to him, hugging him tightly before pulling away and smiling gratefully at his father. His father only turned his head. “Go,” Boyang said. “Before I change my mind,” Boyang said. 

“Thank you,” Toshiya said, before hurrying out the kitchen with Guang-Hong hot on his heels. 

An eerie silence fell over the kitchen. The only noise was the occasional sizzling of the wok. Boyang moved aside from his work station and moved over to the wok, continuing to stir up whatever was in it. “Dice up the vegetables and slice the meat very thin, and then put them in the large platters you see. Mei will take them out to the guests.”

“Right,” Leo nodded, turning to what Boyang had been slicing. He picked up the knife he had been using and began to thinly slice the meat, thinking of when his mother directed him on cutting up some of their food. He noticed the way his hands shook and he knew shook his head, trying to force all bad thoughts out of his head. Yuuri would be okay. Toshiya needed to look for him more than Leo did.

__________

Viktor walked up to the front door of his Aunt Ana’s home and marched right in, going straight to the dining room where Yuri and Mila sat at the dinner table, completing one of Yuri’s biology projects. They both looked up in surprise when their cousin barged through the door. Mila set her supplies down and looked up at Viktor in shock, not used to seeing her cousin so disheveled when he was usually the most collected of the Russian bunch.

“What’s going on?” Mila asked.

“Get in the car,” Viktor demanded.

“Hah?” Yuri sputtered. 

“Get in the car, I said,” Viktor ran a stressed hand through his hair, looking on the edge of a breakdown “Yuuri has gone missing.”

Yuri snapped his head to look at Mila, who looked right back at him. Without hesitating, the two stood and followed Viktor out the door. Yuri had half the mind to yell towards his mother that he would be home later. The trio of cousins scurried under the heavy rain towards Viktor’s waiting car. They pulled away, swallowing thickly.

“I’m texting Georgi. He’ll be willing to help. And let me get Sara too. She’s close to Yuuri,” Mila said, pulling out here phone and sending out texts in a rapid-fire pace.

Yuri on the other hand, had his face pressed up against the window. “Being in this damn car won’t do any good.” He mumbled. “We need to get out there and search on foot.” 

Viktor’s eyes flickered to his younger cousin through the rearview mirror. He was facing away from Viktor, staring out the window, but Viktor could make out the frown that tugged downwards on his lips.

“Are you guys okay with looking for him on foot?” Viktor asked. “You two can drive around and I’ll search on foot. Besides, I have a thicker raincoat.” 

“We’ll go drive and get Georgi and some coats and umbrellas. Then we’ll search on foot.” Mila said, placing a reassuring hand on her cousin’s arm. Viktor looked over to her gratefully and nodded. Pulling the car over at the nearest convenience, he and Mila both exited the car. The rain pelted his raincoat and he opened his umbrella. His heart lurched violently. Yuuri was out in this rain?

Taking a deep breathe, he began to wander throughout neighborhoods, trying to retrace steps he and Yuuri had taken before. He went into stores and asked if they had seen Yuuri, showing pictures from his phone. He stopped random people on the street and yet no luck came to him. As he started to walk towards the more consumer area of their city, he wandered into more stores, more restaurants, asking everyone and anyone he came into contact with. He fought to keep his emotions under control and pushed his panic aside. 

He would find Yuuri. He told Mari he would. And he couldn’t bear the thought of Hiroko and Toshiya, worrying themselves sick about Yuuri. And Yuuri. His Yuuri. Out in the cold, alone. Suffering through the disappointment of a college rejection. Viktor fiddled with the button of his umbrella and kept walking, looking through the rain. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he fished it out. Waking the screen, he read the first message.

_Incoming message from: Phichit, (323)108…, Leo, (323)302…,+5 More…_

> Hey guys. Any luck or any hints? I’m going back to the apartment to see if he left any hints there. Leo, can you ask your siblings for help?

_Incoming message from: (323)108…, Phichit, Leo, (323)302…, +1 more…_

> Leo stayed behind at my parent’s restaurant because my dad wouldn’t let Toshiya come. I’ll tell his siblings. Just make sure we have a plan. I’m adding a couple people to the group chat who can help us out. I’m searching over by the intersection of Tano and Carrillo.

Viktor watched as his phone flooded with messages and alerts. People shared the areas they were searching in and more and more people were added to group chats. Viktor recognized his cousin’s being added to the group chat and a couple of friends. His heart flooded with relief and joy.

His phone rang and Mari’s name popped up. He answered it quickly and pressed the phone to his ear. “Hello?” 

“Viktor,” Mari’s voice came. She founded less on the edge, but worried nonetheless. “Viktor, my parents and I are ready to start looking.”

“No,” Viktor said. “Your parents should stay at home, it’s too cold for them out here-”

“Viktor!” Mari yelled, effectively shutting up the Russian teen. “Viktor this is their _child_! This is my _baby brother_! Don’t you dare fucking tell me we need to stay put because it’s cold or some bullshit right now!” Viktor could hear the tears in her voice.

“Mari,” Viktor’s voice remained calm. He had to be level-headed. For all of their sakes. “Mari, listen to me. Your parents need to stay safe and healthy. If not, Yuuri will blame himself for this,” he stopped, listening only to the sound of Mari’s small sobs. “We also need someone there in case Yuuri comes home. It’s for the best. You and I can meet up somewhere. I can text Phichit or Emil or someone to come find us, okay? We can rendezvous at Guang-Hong’s parents’ restaurant. Okay?”

Mari was silent for a beat. And then two. Viktor didn’t even know he was holding his breath until Mari spoke and he let out a heavy sigh. “I’ll pick you up in my car. Be there. We have a brat to find.” Mari hung up and Viktor sighed again, wrapping his coat around himself tighter.

Yuuri will be found.

Viktor looked up at the sky, the rain drops pouring onto his pale cheeks.

“You will be found.”

__________  
_Well let that lonely feeling wash away_  
Maybe there’s a reason to believe you’ll be okay  
‘Cause when you don’t feel strong enough to stand  
You can reach  
Reach out your hand  
__________

Emil pushed the stroller along, every so often stopping to adjust the thick layer of blankets he laid over the stroller of the plastic to keep the rain out. He made good to meet up with Vikor in front of Guang-Hong’s parents’ restaurant. His step-sister Stefani was underneath the thick blankets, sound asleep. Luckily, the motions of the stroller coupled with the constant rainfall had lulled the toddler to sleep. Emil could then focus on getting to his destination as quick as possible.

He had made sure, of course, to be a good big brother and dress Stefani for their night. He dressed her in layers (albeit, they didn’t match), and placed a knitted beanie over her dark curls. He then carefully laid her in the stroller and draped blankets over the stoller’s canopy to make sure Stefani could brave the spring storm’s cold. Once he secured the blankets, he laid some plastic covering he dug up from when Alexander re-painted the living room and used that to make sure no water would touch Stefani or the blanket. After throwing on a water-resistant windbreaker and one of his old baseball caps, he set out to find Yuuri. 

Yuuri was one of his oldest friends. While he didn’t share the length of friendship that Yuuri, Phichit, Guang-Hong and Leo did, Emil definitely felt close to him. Yuuri was always the balance to their rambunctious friends group. When Phichit would want to raise hell, Yuuri was the one to put it back to bed. But he was also a shoulder to lean on. When Emil would have his moments, feeling distraught about his home life at times, Yuuri would be there to listen. When Emil was ready to fling his Chemistry notebook against the wall, Yuuri was there to remind him the difference between covalent and ionic bonds. When Emil just couldn’t be the cheerie, upbeat person he was always expected to be, Yuuri was there to reassure him.

And it went the other way as well. Emil was sure to be there when Yuuri had his doubts at the beginning of his and Viktor’s relationships. When Phichit was too busy with late nights, Emil was always the first to jump and offer Yuuri a night out on town to ease his mind. When Yuuri was on edge at school, Emil was sure to divert attention from him, to make sure he could breathe. He was glad Yuuri was with Viktor now. He changed. Instead of being the quiet, wallflower that Emil was used to him being, he was more witty, smiled easier, and had this overall lightness to him. It made Emil glad to see his friend glad.

But now Yuuri was missing. So Emil had set out to find him. He instantly shot off texts to his good friend Michele and Sara, asking the Crispino twins if they could help in the search. Michele and Sara replied instantly with a ‘no’ and a ‘yes’ respectively. Eventually, Emil was sure Sara convinced Michele, with a lot of tears perhaps, but convinced him nonetheless. A short while after, Sara and Michele were added to the ever growing group chat, proclaiming that they would take the area closer to the downtown district, where they lived.

Emil walked down one of the less familiar residential neighborhoods, making sure to keep a vigilant eye out for Yuuri. It was dark yes, but Emil was extra watchful. Nothing would get by him. Nothing at all. Not with all of his senses this alerted.

Except maybe his obnoxious ringtone.

“Gah!” Emil fumbled for his phone out of his pocket. He gulped at the caller. It was his mother. Oh great. Maybe she somehow found out he snuck out. Oh well. This was for Yuuri. For Yuuri. 

“Mom?” Emil answered.

“Emil,” his mom said. Worry was very apparent in her tone. “Emil, sweetie. It’s your friend Yuuri. Do you know if he’s alright?”

Emil felt a chill run through his body at her words. “Mom, I’m looking for him right now. Stefani is with me, don’t worry, I have her bundled up and waterproof. I’m meeting up with his boyfriend to go search for him. All of our friends are out looking for him mom. We’re really scared.”

“Emil sweetie, slow down,” His mother cooed. “Sweetie, he’s gonna be fine. Alexander and I were driving from the movie theatre back home and we saw him wandering around the movie theatre without a jacket or shoes on. Alexander did a U-Turn as soon as he could and we drove around the theatre but we couldn’t find him anymore. It’s pouring out there, sweetie. And I didn’t know he was missing.”

Emil stopped walking. Realization struck him across the face. He stared ahead as his mother tried to get his attention. He remembered Yuuri’s story from this morning, and Phichit’s jeers. “Oh my god,” Emil whispered. “Oh my god, mom! I know! I know where he is!” Emil shouted. “Mom, I’ll call you later, I promise! Love you, bye!” Emil shouted before hanging up and shoving his phone in the diaper bag, stuffed in the storage space beneath the stroller.

“Stefani, hon, hold on,” He said. “We’re going for a ride.”

__________  
_And oh,_  
Someone will come running  
And I know  
To take you home >  
__________

Viktor stood underneath the canopy of Guang-Hong parents’ restaurant. He looked around for Emil, anxious to get going to find Yuuri. He also promised Mari that he would wait for her as well. The jitters got to him, as he bounced on the feet of his balls and looked around. He fidgeted with his phone, checking the messages that flooded the group chat, proclaiming that Yuuri was neither here nor there. Viktor had lost all composure that he had been taught. He had begun to fall apart. He wanted Yuuri to be safe. He wanted to hold Yuuri and tell him that everything would be alright.

“Viktor!” he recognized Leo call to him. He turned to see the Chicano teen exiting the building and rush up to him. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you looking for Yuuri?” Leo asked. 

“I’m meeting with Mari and Emil. We’re going to search for him together.” Viktor said, turning to see Emil round the corner, running as fast as a stroller would allow him. 

“Hey!” He shouted, his face brewing with emotions. “I know where he is! I found him!” Emil said as he approached them. Viktor felt his heart surge at the words and for the first time that night, tears spilled freely from his eyes.

“Where,” Viktor asked, stepping forward and grabbing Emil’s shoulders. “Where is he?”

Emil gently pried Viktor’s hands from him and held them together, trying to calm Viktor, he supposed. “My parents spotted him by the movie theatre. He’s gone there for comfort, I suppose. To the parking structure, I mean. Where you two cuddled on the hood of your Lexus?”

Viktor turned his hand’s in Emil and gave them a firm squeeze before letting them slip out. He pressed a hand to his heart and took a step away from the teen. “To the movie theatre parking structure?”

“Mari’s here,” Emil said, patting Viktor’s shoulder and passing him, to where the elder Katsuki sibling drifted dangerously into the parking lot, threw the car in park and climbed out, keeping one of her legs in the still running second-hand Toyota. “Get in the car,” She commanded, looking frazzled. 

“We found him,” Viktor said as he moved towards the young woman. He wiped away his tears quickly. He couldn’t cry. Not in front of Mari.

A look of absolute relief crossed her face as her brows furrowed and a hand came up, covering her mouth as she sobbed, “Oh my god.”

“He’s at the top of the movie theatre parking structure,” Emil stepped forward and told her. Mari nodded in understanding before her eyes widened at the sight of the stroller. 

“Emil, is that a fucking baby?! Are you kidding me?” Mari groaned. “Oh my god, okay,” Mari said. “I need to get Emil and that child to a dry place, but we can’t let Yuuri get away.” 

“I can Uber Leo and I over to the theatre parking structure,” Viktor said, “I don’t think my cousin will get here fast enough with my dad’s car,” the Russian teen pulled out his phone and began to type in addresses to his Uber app. “It says there is a driver less than five minutes away from me,” Viktor said, ordering the Uber.

“Help me load this kid in the car, then. I’m taking Emil and the kid to my house, picking up my parents and then driving straight over there. Yuuri is going to feel awful is anything happens to this kid because of this. Got it,” Mari said seriously to the three boys in front of her. All three of them nodded before springing into action. Stefani was taken out of the stroller and the stroller was folded up and tossed into the trunk. Viktor held the girl as Emil climbed into Mari’s passenger seat, and handed her back to Emil once he was strapped in. Emil cradled her in his arms, adjusting her blankets to assure that she would remain dry. Leo leaned in, peaking into the car and looking at Emil seriously. 

“Ride or die,” Leo said softly. 

Emil wiggled a hand loose from Stefani’s sleeping form and clutched Leo’s hand tightly. “Ride or die,” He repeated.

Stepping away, Leo shut the door. Viktor watched him carefully. Leo nodded at Mari. “Go.” Mari nodded back at him before driving away, leaving the two alone in the pouring rain. Viktor felt his heart sink. No. No. No. The rain was getting heavier. How long had Yuuri been out in it? It had been raining all day. Viktor could see it from the windows of his father’s studio. Oh god he knew where Yuuri was, so that a definite weight off his chest, but was Yuuri alright? Oh god.

“Hey,” Leo said, placing a trembling hand on Viktor’s shoulder. Viktor turned to look at him and Leo mustered the most confident smile he could. “He’s gonna be alright.” Before Viktor could reply, their Uber rounded the corner and pulled in front of them. The two wasted no time in jumping into the car and making the driver floor it. 

The entire trip was made in relative silence. The Uber driver took the hint that neither of them were in much of a talking mood when Viktor and Leo both replied with curt, one-worded responses. Viktor stared out the window, scanning the streets as their driver turned onto the street the movie theatre was on. Through the heavy rain, Viktor scrutinized every shape, making sure it wasn’t Yuuri on the run or anything. When their driver dropped them off at the movie theatre, Viktor only had half the mind to turn back and thank him. 

“Come on,” Viktor said, breaking out into a sprint towards the stairs that led up the parking structure. Leo followed close behind him. 

Viktor gripped the handrail tightly as he climbed the stairs. He counted the flights up as soon as he hit ever landing. Six floors. Six floors separated him and Yuuri. It felt that no matter how fast he ran, he couldn’t get there fast enough. Six floors was too large of a distance. Five floors. Four floors. Three floors. Two Floors. One floor.

Viktor reached the top and scanned the roof, panting heavily. Leo appeared next to him seconds later, chest heaving as he looked around. 

“Weave between the cars,” Viktor said as he moved, beginning to walk between cars to look for Yuuri. Thankfully, there weren’t many cars at the top of the parking structure. It was probably due to the rain so Viktor was able to scan more quickly. 

“Over here!” Leo shouted and Viktor whipped his head around, spotting Leo’s lifted hand in the air. He jogged over to Leo, and the Chicano teen stopped him from going any further by putting his arm out, making Viktor’s chest run into it. He made a ‘shush’ motion with a finger to his lips and pointed ahead.

Viktor’s heart panged with despair as he finally laid eyes upon Yuuri’s shivering form. His eyes were squeezed shut and he was curled up into a ball, leaning against one of the lamp posts. He was dressed onto in a thin band t-shirt and a a pair of jeans. He was barefooted with his toes curled against the cold.

“This is a panic attack,” Leo told Viktor very quietly. “A really bad one.”

Viktor stared ahead at Yuuri, unsure of what to do next. “The UCLA rejection must have triggered him.”

“Huh?” Leo breathed and looked at Viktor. Viktor took a hesitant step forward. His eyes were locked on Yuuri’s shivering form. He had never experienced one of Yuuri’s panic attacks before. Yes, he understood Yuuri had anxiety, he had found that out the day they officially started dating, but beside the minor discomfort or moodiness from Yuuri, he had never seen anything like this from his boyfriend before.

“I need to go to him,” Viktor said. “He needs someone.”

“I’m not the best person to deal with Yuuri’s panic attacks. It’s usually Guang-Hong or Phichit who take care of it,” Leo admitted.

“I’ll try something,” Viktor confidently said. He needed to try something. Anything. Anything for his Yuuri. 

A wary look crossed Leo’s face. “Just, be careful. Please. It’s never gotten this bad,” Leo sighed.

Viktor took very cautious steps towards Yuuri. The smaller teen curled into himself tighter and made a light whimpering noise. Viktor’s heart broke. He hated seeing Yuuri in pain like this.

__________  
_Even when the dark comes crashing thru’_  
When you need someone to carry you  
When you’re broken on the ground  
You will be found.  
__________

“Yuuri,” Viktor’s soft voice came to him. Yuuri shuddered and drew in on himself, scrunching his nose and frowning deeply. No. No no no no. Viktor wasn’t supposed to see him like this. Because yes, Viktor knew he had anxiety but it had never ever gotten this bad whenever he was around Viktor. It was horrifying. He didn’t want Viktor to see him like this. He didn’t want anyone near him. No. He needed someone. But he didn’t want anyone

“Sweetheart?” Viktor’s voice came again and Yuuri felt a touch on his shoulder. He flinched. Oh god. _He flinched._

“Oh, Yuuri,” Viktor’s voice sounded more sadder this time and Yuuri felt nauseous at his tone because he didn’t mean for any of this. None of this. If he had only been a little bit smarter. If he had only applied himself a bit more in classes. He could have gotten into UCLA and nothing would be wrong and he wouldn’t be like this and this all wouldn’t be wrong wrong wrong wrong _wrong_. 

“Yuuri, love,” Viktor said, “I’m going to put my hand on your shoulder and then I’m going to hold your hand, okay?” There was a bit of shuffling and Yuuri knew Viktor was waiting for his consent. For Viktor’s sake, he mustered a nod. 

The gentle touch on his shoulder came first. Yuuri’s tension slowly melted away when Viktor held his hand, rubbing circles on his knuckles with his own thumb. Viktor was silent for a while and Yuuri still hadn’t looked at him. “Can you put my coat over him?” Viktor asked. Yuuri was confused and about to answer before another voice did so. 

“Yeah.”

_Leo?_

Footsteps approached him and Yuuri could see old Vans shoes come into his view. “Yuuri?” Leo’s voice said, “I’m going to drape Viktor raincoat over you, okay? You’re soaking wet.” Leo waited, and Yuuri nodded again. The heavy feeling of the coat appeared on his shoulders, and he made a face. 

“Yuuri, you’re having a panic attack,” Viktor said. “It’s going to end, I promise. You just need to breathe with me, alright?” Viktor gave his hand three comforting squeezes. Yuuri counted them each in his head before counting sets of threes. He needed to get his mind back in focus. 

The worst of it had passed perhaps. When it first began, Yuuri swore he could hear his own heart pounding in his ears erratically, a loud, _thump, thump, thump_. He tore down the street and the rain felt odd and out of place on his scalding skin. He didn’t know where he wanted or needed to go, he just needed to be able to breathe, and so he kept running, running away from whatever was chasing him. Running and running and running and soon he tore off that hand-me-down jackets one of his cousins from Japan had sent him when he outgrew it and soon his legs felt like they were going to give out so he stopped and he stopped running and began to pointlessly wander around.

Except it wasn’t pointless because it seemed as if his legs knew where he was going but his mind didn’t know and his chest has weaving and his throat was burning and his hands were quaking and his entire body trembled as his weak legs carried him to wherever the fuck they wanted to carry him and the only thing on his mind was of how big of a goddamn disappointment he was because he couldn’t get into a stupid university, a stupid university, a stupid university, so how the hell was he supposed to do anything in life and then it got much harder to breathe and if he wanted to breathe he would try and take a deep breathe but his lungs betrayed him and wouldn’t take in any air and dear god please let him breathe please, please, _please_ let him breathe because he didn’t want to die and god it felt like he was really close to it.

Even with his tunneled vision, he knew now perhaps where he was. The large structure was a structure he had visited only days prior and was perhaps one of the best nights he had had in a long time and so of course his stupid legs had to bring him here when he was having this stupid panic attack because how awful was it that he was absolutely sure that he was going to die in the spot where his boyfriend cuddled with him and tried to point out the stars that weren’t there.

And he stayed curled in one spot, shoved uncomfortably between the wall of the structure and a lampost. Soaking wet and looking like an utter mess in front of his boyfriend and one of his best friends. Ready to keel over at any moment because even the scalding feeling had stop, and his chest was still heaving, and the _thump, thump, thump_ was nothing more than a faint _thump_ at the back of his skull, he still felt doomed. The feeling had been coming in going, like ocean waves breaking onto the surface.

“Yuuri, sweetheart, is there anything I can do for you?” Viktor asked, breaking the silence that was pregnant with heavy anticipation. What could Viktor do for him? What could anyone do for someone who was surely going to die?

“Hold me,” Yuuri was surprised at the hoarseness of his own voice. Of course it would be hoarse. Was he stupid? He hadn’t spoken at all in an hour or so.

(He also didn’t expect to sound so afraid.)

“Are you sure? I don’t want to smother you,” Viktor said. Yuuri reached out, unfurling from himself, and took Viktor’s wrist. He looked at Viktor, eyes bloodshot from his tears. Viktor’s heart ached. He opened his arms and slowly, brought Yuuri into his arms. He was careful not to squeeze or smother him as well.

Yuuri hung onto Viktor, trying to get as close as possible. He felt warmth in his arms. Yuuri tucked his head underneath VIktor’s chin and tried to focus on anything over that the anxiety that was swallowing him whole. He tried to focus on Viktor’s arms around him, or the smell of his cologne, or the feeling of Viktor’s shirt. Anything. Anything.

“Mari is here with Hiroko and Toshiya,” Leo announced. Yuuri had forgotten he was there. He was so caught up with trying to find comfort in Viktor, he forgot one of his best friends was there. And not only that, but he had just announced that his family was here. They were here for him. 

Was he finally found?

__________  
_So let the sun come streaming in_  
‘Cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again  
Lift your head and look around  
You will be found  
__________

Yuuri went back to school on Wednesday. Despite his insistence on returning, not wanting to fall behind on school work, his mother and Viktor forced him to stay home and rehabilitate for a few days, as such a major breakdown would have a major effect on his mental health. However, Viktor worked twice as hard for he and Yuuri together in AP Government, and met with many of Yuuri’s teachers to get notes and homework for the day, since Yuuri was very worried about schoolwork. He would then spend the rest of his day at Yuuri’s house, doing homework with him and explaining that day’s government lecture to the best of his abilities. When Yuuri seemed overwhelmed by it all, as Viktor was perhaps not the best teacher, the Russian teen would set aside their textbooks and cuddle with him until he felt better. Ever since his breakdown on Friday night, Viktor’s arms had felt much more secure to Yuuri. They felt like home.

Viktor picked Yuuri up in the morning, like he always did once he got his car back. Yuuri slid into the passenger seat, and Viktor leaned in for a kiss. Yuuri kissed him back, eyes fluttering shut and reminiscing in the feeling of his boyfriend’s soft lips. 

“Good morning, love,” Viktor said. “I stopped by Starbucks for us,” he said, pointing at their drinks in the cup holders. Yuuri’s iced green tea lemonade looked very aesthetic next to Viktor’s mess of a drink. It also perfectly described their personalities. Viktor was passionate, crazy, and had a lot of hidden quirks, while Yuuri was very plain. Very, very plain.

A warm hand slipped into Yuuri’s. His negative thoughts dispelled at the simple squeeze of a hand. Yuuri took a shaky breath and squeezed back. He met Viktor’s eyes and felt his stomach flip at the raw emotion in them. He knew Viktor had been worried sick about Yuuri since Friday. He did his best to please him, and make sure he was okay. Even when Yuuri had shut himself off from Viktor the day following his breakdown, Viktor was there to meet him halfway. He had waited for Yuuri to come out of his room to where he was in the Katsuki’s living room, watching J-Dramas with his mother and drinking his iced coffee, completely at home. 

When Yuuri had emerged from the room, shuffling quietly and shy in hi pajama bottoms well past noon, Viktor had only given him that familiar heart-shaped smile and scooted over on the couch, making room between he and his mother for Yuuri. Yuuri had almost cried on spot. Viktor still loved him.

“You ready?” Viktor asked, tracing soothing circles into Yuuri’s knuckle. Yuuri squeezed Viktor’s hand and Viktor brought their intertwined hands up to press a soft kiss to the back of his hand. Chills shot up Yuuri’s arm and he smiled gratefully at his boyfriend.

“Fuck,” Yuuri said, wiping a tear that had snuck up on him away. He took a deep breath and smiled at wiped his eyes, hoping to keep the tears that built up at bay.

“Yuuri?” Viktor asked, concerned. His eyebrows were drawn together and his eyes were intently searching his own for some sort of clue on his reaction. Yuuri managed a smile and shook his head.

“I’m just thinking of,” Yuuri paused and swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, “I’m just thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my life.”

Viktor’s face softened. He reached out his other hand, not wanting to let go of Yuuri’s hand that the other held, and cupped his cheek. He kissed Yuuri again, this time more slow and caring. Yuuri felt his heart blossom.

A loud knock at the passenger window made them both jump in shock. Mari stood at the window, looking very annoyed. Embarrassed, Yuuri rolled down the window to hear what his older sister had to say.

“If you two are going to be horny teenagers and makeout in a car, please do so where your car is not blocking the exit to my car,” Mari said, pointing at her tiny Honda that was being blocked by Viktor’s Lexus.

“Sorry,” Viktor and Yuuri apologized simultaneously, though Viktor sounded much more cheeky than Yuuri did. Yuuri, in fact, only sounded completely mortified. 

Mari reached out and ruffled Yuuri’s hair. Something she hadn’t done since they moved from Japan as children. Yuuri smiled at his sister and she smiled back. “Have a great day at school, little bro.”

“Thanks,” Yuuri smiled at her. “You too.”

“Get him safe to school, Nikiforov. Or I’ll kick your ass.” Mari said, pointing a threatening finger at him.

“You have a great day at school too, Mari,” Viktor grinned at her. This broke her tough girl facade and she shook her head with a grin. She stepped away from the car and with a final wave, walked away to hers. Once she had started her car, Viktor pulled out of the driveway and headed towards school.

__________  
_Out of the shadows_  
The morning is breaking  
And all is new  
All is new  
It’s filling up the empty  
And suddenly I see  
All is new  
All is new  
You are not alone  
You are not alone  
__________

“Hey Yuuri,” Emil said, smiling at him as he entered their chemistry class. Yuuri looked up from his spot at the TA’s desk and smiled at the Czech. “How ya feeling?”

“Better,” Yuuri nodded. “Sorry, if, uh, I scared you.”

Emil waved his hand dismissively and shook his head. “We were all out there looking for you. We just wanted you to be okay. We were just really lucky my mom spotted you.”

Yuuri furrowed his brows and tilted his head. “We?”

“Yeah,” Emil said, pulling a groupchat up on his phone and showing Yuuri the members. Viktor, Guang-Hong, Leo, Phichit, Sara and her twin, Emil himself, Viktor’s cousins and so many other people. The list was people Yuuri had probably interacted with once or twice, but they were looking for him nonetheless. 

“I’m...I’m sorry to bother you all with this. And all over a stupid college rejection letter,” Yuuri said, shaking his head. 

“No,” Emil placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We all know how much your education means to you. You were already spread so thin because of exams and preparing for AP texts and all, and I mean it’s also your Senior year,” Emil said. “You had a lot on your plate. So it’s obvious something like this was bound to happen. The rejection letter from UCLA was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. But that’s okay. That’s life. Next time, just don’t keep major things like this to yourself, yeah? You saw the people in the groupchat. We all care about you. There’s always someone there for you, Yuuri. We care.”

“Thank you, Emil,” Yuuri replied. He smiled tearfully at the desk. He was very lucky to have such amazing friends in his life who cared about him. Before, he felt alone and as if he was fighting for himself, but ever since Viktor came into his life, he didn’t feel like that was the case anymore.

_You will be found._

**Author's Note:**

> Haha yeah I got rejected from UCLA :-) #FuckUCLA 
> 
> Kudos make my day! Comments make them even better!!


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